Navigating the world of toddlerhood can feel like stepping onto a rollercoaster without a seatbelt.
One moment, your little one is all giggles and the next, they’re overtaken by a green-eyed monster called jealousy.
As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to watch your child struggle with these intense emotions, especially when they’re directed at a sibling or friend.
Drawing from the wisdom of Maria Montessori, renowned for her pioneering work in early childhood education, I’ve found some insightful ways to guide toddlers through these tumultuous feelings.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 7 Montessori-inspired techniques that can help your toddler understand and manage jealousy.
Ready to step off that rollercoaster? Let’s dive in.
1) The Concept of “Mine”
In the toddler universe, the word ‘mine’ holds a power unlike any other.
It’s a declaration, a defense, and often, the root cause of many a sibling squabble.
So how does this tie into jealousy?
Well, toddlers are still grappling with the concept of ownership. They’re learning that certain things belong to them, and certain things don’t.
Maria Montessori believed in nurturing a child’s sense of independence and self-reliance. This extends to teaching them about ownership and sharing as well.
A simple activity that could help is to involve them in tidying their toys. Guide them to understand which toys are theirs and which ones should be shared.
This isn’t an overnight solution. It takes patience, repetition, and consistency.
But having a clear understanding of “mine” and “yours” can help your toddler navigate feelings of jealousy when they inevitably crop up.
2) The Power of Embracing Empathy
Ever heard of empathy?
It’s this incredible ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
Now, you might be thinking, “That sounds great, but my toddler can barely tie their shoelaces. How can they possibly understand empathy?”
Empathy isn’t something that toddlers naturally acquire—it’s taught through modeling and practice.
Montessori’s philosophy emphasizes empathy and social understanding. She believed that children could learn these skills through activities that foster cooperation and mutual respect.
For instance, you could guide your toddler to comfort a crying friend or help a sibling who’s struggling with a task. These actions encourage your little one to put themselves in another’s shoes and understand their feelings.
And once they start to grasp empathy, it can drastically help reduce feelings of jealousy. They’ll start recognizing when someone else needs attention or a toy more than they do in a certain moment.
3) The Balancing Act of Fairness
Building on empathy, let’s talk about fairness.
While teaching empathy is about understanding others’ feelings, fairness is about treating everyone equally. Sounds straightforward, right? But here’s where it gets a little counter-intuitive.
In the world of toddlers, ‘equal’ doesn’t always mean ‘fair’.
Imagine this: You have a one-year-old and a three-year-old. You provide both with the same size portion of food. It’s equal, but is it fair? The older child may feel unjustly treated as they have a bigger appetite.
Maria Montessori advocated for individualized learning, recognizing that each child is unique. Similarly, practicing fairness isn’t ensuring each child gets the exact same thing—it’s meeting individual needs in an equitable manner.
This understanding can help alleviate feelings of jealousy. When your toddler sees that everyone’s needs are being met fairly (even if not identically), they are less likely to feel deprived or jealous.
So, think ‘equitable’ rather than ‘equal’. It might seem like a small shift, but it can make a big difference in managing toddler jealousy.
4) Security Environment Fostering
As parents, it’s our job to create a safe and secure environment for our children. I believe this is fundamental in helping them manage their feelings, including jealousy.
When our toddlers feel secure, they’re less likely to feel threatened by the presence of a new sibling or a friend. They’re less likely to act out in jealousy because they’re confident in our love and attention.
So how do we create this secure environment?
One way is through consistent routines. At this age, toddlers thrive on predictability. When they know what’s coming next, they feel more secure.
We can also reassure them of our love and attention. Spending quality one-on-one time with them, listening to their concerns, and comforting them when they’re upset all help to reinforce their sense of security.
5) The Language of Feelings
Have you ever felt a rush of emotions but struggled to put it into words?
We’ve all been there. Now imagine being a toddler, experiencing these strong feelings of jealousy but not having the vocabulary to express them.
One of the key tenets of Maria Montessori’s philosophy is promoting effective communication. And this isn’t limited to just words—it’s about expressing thoughts, needs, and yes, emotions.
Start by teaching your toddler basic emotion words like ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’. You can use storybooks or their daily interactions as teaching moments.
Then, when they’re experiencing jealousy, they’ll have a better chance of expressing it verbally rather than acting out physically or throwing tantrums.
It’s more than just teaching them the words. It’s about validating their feelings and reassuring them that it’s okay to feel this way.
When children feel understood and listened to, they’re more likely to communicate openly and less likely to resort to jealousy-inducing behaviors.
6) Encouragement of Independent Problem-Solving
Maria Montessori was a big proponent of fostering independence and problem-solving skills in children. This can be a powerful tool in managing jealousy.
When your toddler is faced with a jealousy-inducing situation, instead of intervening immediately, encourage them to find a solution on their own. This might look like:
- Asking for a turn with a coveted toy.
- Sharing their toy with a friend.
- Finding another interesting activity to do while they wait.
Not every situation will have a perfect resolution, and that’s okay. The goal here isn’t to eliminate jealousy completely—it’s to give your toddler the tools they need to manage it.
Teaching your toddler to solve problems independently doesn’t mean leaving them to fend for themselves. It’s guiding them to find their own solutions, while letting them know you’re there for support if they need it.
7) Gratitude Instruction
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to feelings of jealousy. When we appreciate what we have, we’re less likely to feel envious of what others have.
I remember a time when my own toddler was jealous of her friend’s new toy. She couldn’t understand why she didn’t have the same toy and it was causing her distress.
Instead of buying her the same toy, we sat down and talked about all the toys she already had and how lucky she was to have them. We talked about all the fun times she had playing with her own toys.
Slowly but surely, she started to understand and appreciate what she had. It didn’t completely eliminate the feelings of jealousy, but it certainly helped to manage them.
What Next?
You’ve equipped yourself with some valuable tools to help your toddler deal with jealousy, inspired by the wisdom of Maria Montessori. But the journey doesn’t stop here.
As your toddler grows, their emotional landscape will continue to evolve. Different situations will trigger different responses. And that’s okay.
Remember:
- Each child is unique. What works for one might not work for another.
- It’s okay to make mistakes. They’re learning opportunities for both you and your toddler.
- Patience and consistency are crucial. Change takes time.
- Don’t forget to celebrate the small victories, like when your toddler shares a toy without prompting or verbalizes their feelings of jealousy.
Our aim isn’t to eliminate jealousy completely – after all, it’s a natural emotion that even we as adults experience from time to time. Our goal is to guide our toddlers in understanding, expressing, and managing this emotion in a healthy way.
So, as you embark on this journey of nurturing emotional resilience in your little one, take a moment to reflect: How can you apply these strategies in your day-to-day interactions with your toddler?
You’re not alone in this journey. You’re doing an incredible job, and every step you take is a step towards fostering an emotionally resilient future generation.
