Living with a ‘me-first’ attitude can be challenging, especially when it’s your own child. My son’s self-centered behavior was starting to take center stage in our home, and I couldn’t help but worry.
Was he just going through a phase, or was I witnessing the early signs of narcissism?
This wasn’t about him being a normal, occasionally selfish kid. It was the way his needs and wants seemed to eclipse everyone else’s, and how he seemed oblivious to the impact it was having on our family.
I feared that my son was becoming a narcissist and I had no idea how to handle it.
In this article, I’m going to share my personal journey navigating through this difficult situation – the fears, the confusion, and ultimately, the steps I took in response. I hope that my experience can offer some insights for other parents facing similar concerns.
1) His needs always came first
In our household, the ‘me-first’ mantra was becoming a daily chorus.
It wasn’t just about wanting to eat his favorite meal every night or being the first to choose what we watch on television. That’s typical child behavior, and I understood that.
What raised my eyebrows was his total disregard for anyone else’s needs.
If his sister was watching her favorite show, he’d unapologetically change the channel. If we were eating something he didn’t like, he’d demand a different meal, without considering the effort put into preparing the food.
The world as per my son was revolving around his desires and preferences. Everything else, including the feelings and needs of other family members, seemed to be secondary.
This constant prioritizing of his needs above all else was the first sign that made me worry about his potential narcissistic tendencies.
2) Lack of empathy became increasingly evident
Empathy – it’s a term we often hear, but what does it really mean?
In a nutshell, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and feeling their joy or pain.
But here’s the thing…
With my son, I started noticing a distinct lack of empathy. He seemed oblivious to the feelings and needs of others. When his sister cried because he took her toy, he simply shrugged with indifference. When his mom had a hard day and needed some quiet, he’d still insist on playing his loud video games.
It was as if he was living in his own bubble, uncaring of how his actions affected those around him. This lack of empathy, a key characteristic often associated with narcissism, was another sign that added to my growing concern.
3) He thrived on admiration and validation
Now, let’s be clear, every child loves praise. It’s a part of their developmental process and helps build their self-esteem and confidence. But in my son’s case, it was something more.
He didn’t just enjoy praise, he seemed to need it. Like it was fuel for his self-worth. And not just for significant achievements – for everyday actions as well.
Brushed his teeth? He’d seek applause. Finished his homework? He’d expect a standing ovation. It was as if he was constantly seeking admiration and validation from those around him.
This incessant need for validation was not only exhausting for us as parents, but it also signaled a deeper issue. It suggested a fragile ego that relied heavily on external sources of affirmation – a trait often observed in narcissists.
This realization made me more determined to understand the situation and seek help, which led me to delve deeper into the realms of psychology and child behavior.
4) He displayed an exaggerated sense of entitlement
Have you ever met someone who acts as if the world owes them a favor? That’s what an exaggerated sense of entitlement looks like.
With my son, this sense of entitlement was becoming more and more blatant. Whether it was about getting the biggest piece of cake or having the final say in family activities, he always felt entitled to the best or the most.
He seemed to believe that he deserved special treatment, and any attempt to treat him equitably with others was met with tantrums or sulking.
This was not just about teaching him manners or instilling discipline. It seemed as if his ‘me-first’ attitude was morphing into a ‘me-only’ attitude.
This sense of entitlement, where one considers oneself deserving of privileges or recognition for no particular reason, is a common trait among narcissists.
5) The constant power struggle
As I started to observe my son’s behavior more closely, I noticed a pattern. A constant power struggle was going on, almost like a tug of war. Here were some common scenarios:
- He’d argue relentlessly to have the last word.
- If something didn’t go his way, he’d throw tantrums or give us the silent treatment.
- He’d manipulate situations to his advantage, twisting facts to suit his narrative.
These behaviors were more than just childish stubbornness. They were attempts to maintain control and dominance, another key characteristic of narcissism. This power struggle was not just exhausting, but it was also tearing our family dynamics apart.
6) The absence of genuine remorse
Here’s something I learned during this journey: It’s okay for kids to make mistakes. We all do. But it’s how we respond to those mistakes that defines us.
In our household, whenever my son did something wrong, we’d sit him down and explain why it was not acceptable. We’d talk about the importance of understanding our faults and saying sorry.
But here was the issue.
His apologies, if any, seemed forced and insincere. He seemed to say the words without understanding their meaning. There was no genuine remorse or intention to correct his actions.
7) His reaction to criticism
Imagine this: You’re trying to help your child improve by providing constructive feedback. But instead of taking it as an opportunity to grow, he reacts with hostility or defensiveness.
That’s what started happening with my son. Any form of criticism, however well-intentioned, was met with resistance. He’d either respond with anger, blaming others, or completely shut down, refusing to accept the feedback.
I found myself walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering an adverse reaction.
But then I had to ask myself: Was I enabling his behavior by avoiding confrontations? Was his inability to handle criticism another sign of potential narcissism?
These questions haunted me as I tried to navigate through this challenging phase of parenting.
8) The most alarming sign: He started to belittle others
Finally, the most alarming sign I observed was his tendency to belittle others.
It was no longer about just putting his needs first or being indifferent to others’ emotions. He started making derogatory comments about his friends, his sister, even us as parents.
He’d highlight their weaknesses or mistakes, often in a condescending manner, making them feel inferior.
This wasn’t the innocent teasing that siblings often indulge in. It was a consistent pattern aimed at undermining others to elevate himself.
So, where do we go from here?
Recognizing these signs in my son was a bitter pill to swallow. It led me to question my parenting and wonder where I’d gone wrong. But here’s what I learned: It’s not about blame, it’s about understanding and action.
So, if you’re a parent seeing similar signs in your child, here are a few things I’d suggest:
- Don’t panic, but don’t ignore the signs either.
- Seek professional help. A child psychologist can provide much-needed guidance.
- Communicate with your child. Try to understand their perspective.
Remember, every child is different and these signs don’t necessarily mean that your child is a narcissist.
But as parents, it’s our responsibility to pay attention to these signs and take steps towards understanding and addressing them. Because ultimately, our goal is to raise emotionally healthy and empathetic individuals.
So let’s ask ourselves: Are we doing enough to understand our children’s behavior? And more importantly, are we doing everything we can to guide them in the right direction?
