Age three — commonly referred to as the “terrible threes”. If you’re a parent, you’ve probably heard of this phrase, but what does it really mean?
It’s more than just tantrums and stubbornness, it’s about the development, growth, and independence that toddlers experience at this age.
According to child psychology, there’s a lot more happening under the surface. It’s not just your toddler testing your patience, they’re also exploring their world in entirely new ways.
But why is it so hard? What exactly is typical for toddlers at this age?
In this article, I’ll delve into the complexities of being three years old. Drawing on my own experiences and psychological insights, we’ll uncover why this phase can be so challenging – for both the toddler and the parents!
1) They are developing autonomy
At age three, a fascinating thing happens.
Your little one starts to realize they’re an individual. They’re separate from you and everyone else around them.
This stage, in psychological terms, is known as developing autonomy, and it’s a big deal.
For the first time, your toddler begins to assert their independence. They want to do things on their own. They want to make their own decisions.
However, this newfound freedom can be overwhelming for them, and challenging for you as a parent.
Suddenly, everything becomes a power struggle. Simple tasks like getting dressed or eating dinner can become massive conflicts of wills.
It’s not that your toddler is trying to be difficult. They’re just exploring their developing autonomy.
This intense push for independence is typical of three-year-olds and is one of the reasons why this age can feel incredibly challenging.
2) They’re learning to regulate emotions
Ever watched your three-year-old switch from laughter to tears in a matter of seconds?
Welcome to the world of emotional regulation, or rather, the lack of it.
At this age, toddlers are just beginning to understand and manage their emotions. This process is known as emotional regulation, and it’s a crucial skill that we continue to develop well into adulthood.
Your three-year-old is experiencing all these emotions – happiness, sadness, frustration, excitement – but they don’t yet have the tools to manage them effectively.
This can lead to what we often label as ‘meltdowns’ or ‘tantrums’. But in reality, these are just their attempts at navigating this storm of emotions.
3) Their cognitive abilities are expanding rapidly
Now, you might think that learning to regulate emotions would make things easier. But here’s something that might surprise you.
As toddlers start understanding their emotions, their cognitive abilities are also expanding at a rapid pace. This includes their ability to reason, remember things, solve problems and understand the world around them.
While this is an exciting phase of their development, it also contributes to the difficulties of being three.
Why? Because as they’re beginning to grasp more complex concepts, they’re also realizing how much they don’t know or can’t do yet. This can lead to frustration and even more emotional outbursts.
Plus, their vocabulary is still limited, making it hard for them to communicate their thoughts and feelings effectively.
While increasing cognitive abilities is a sign of growth, it also adds another layer of complexity to the challenges of age three.
4) They’re pushing boundaries
Have you ever noticed how your three-year-old seems to be constantly pushing the limits?
This is because at this age, toddlers are actively testing boundaries as part of their developmental process.
They’re trying to understand what’s acceptable and what’s not, what they can get away with, and what leads to consequences.
This might come across as them being defiant or naughty, but in reality, they’re just trying to figure out the rules of the world around them.
So when your toddler insists on doing something you’ve expressly told them not to, keep in mind it’s not a personal rebellion. They’re just learning about cause and effect in their own little way.
5) They’re grappling with big changes
Being three is hard, and a big part of that comes from dealing with significant changes. At this age, toddlers are navigating through a plethora of transitions, including:
- Transitioning from diapers to potty
- Moving from a crib to a bed
- Starting preschool
- Welcoming a new sibling
- Managing longer separations from parents
Each of these changes presents its own challenges and can cause stress or anxiety for your little one. They’re learning to adapt, but it’s a process, and it’s not always smooth sailing.
6) Their physical skills are evolving
When my own children were three, I marveled at how their physical skills were evolving. One day, they were unsteady on their feet, and the next, they were running, jumping, and climbing everything in sight!
At this age, toddlers are developing gross motor skills like never before. They’re eager to explore their surroundings and push their physical boundaries.
While their physical skills are improving, they’re not yet fully coordinated. This can lead to lots of bumps and falls, making it a nerve-wracking time for us as parents!
7) They’re dealing with big feelings
I still vividly remember the day my three-year-old daughter had a full-blown meltdown because her sandwich was cut into squares instead of triangles.
At that moment, it wasn’t about the sandwich anymore, but about the overwhelming emotions she was feeling.
You see, three-year-olds are dealing with big feelings. To us adults, these feelings might seem out of proportion because we’re looking at it from our perspective. But for them, these feelings are very real and very intense.
Their world is smaller, and so little things can feel like a big deal. They don’t yet have the ability to put things into perspective or to rationalize their feelings.
8) They’re just being three
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, your three-year-old is acting this way because they are simply being three.
They’re not trying to be difficult or give you a hard time. They’re not acting out without reason.
In fact, everything we’ve discussed so far – their developing autonomy, emotional regulation, cognitive growth, physical development, and more – it’s all a part of them being three.
They’re learning and growing at an incredible pace, and all these changes can be overwhelming for them (and for us!).
It’s a tough age, no doubt. But every challenge they face and every hurdle they overcome is preparing them for the next stage of their life.
So yes, three is hard. But it’s also an age of discovery, growth, and transformation. It’s an age that deserves our understanding, patience, and empathy.
How can we make three less hard?
We’ve established that three can be a challenging age. But what can we as parents do to make it less hard for our toddlers and for us?
Here are a few strategies:
- Consistency: Stick to routines and rules. Toddlers thrive on predictability.
- Patience: Understand that they’re navigating through a world of new experiences and emotions.
- Communication: Talk to them about their feelings. Help them find words to express what they’re going through.
- Modeling: Show them how to handle emotions and conflicts in a healthy way. They learn a lot from watching us.
Parenting is not perfection. It’s showing up, doing your best, and loving your child through all the ups and downs.
As you navigate through the ‘terrible threes’, take a moment to reflect on these strategies. Find what works best for you and your child.
Even on the hardest days, you’re not alone. We’re all in this together, figuring it out one day at a time.
Three may be hard, but it’s also an age full of wonder, learning, and growth.
Enjoy this journey with your little one because before you know it, they’ll be onto the next phase of their life.
