Raising siblings to love each other and be best friends is an art in itself.
The journey is not about forcing them to get along, but about fostering a deep bond from the get-go. Like planting a seed, you need to nurture it to let it grow into a beautiful tree.
In this piece, I’ll share 9 tips on how to raise siblings who not only tolerate each other but genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Because at the end of the day, who wouldn’t want their kids to be each other’s best friends?
So buckle up, folks. Let’s dive into this journey of parenting and transform your little ones’ rivalry into a lifelong friendship.
1) Start early
From the moment your second child is born, you’ve entered the world of sibling dynamics. And this is the perfect time to start fostering a loving bond.
Many parents worry about how their first-born will react to the new addition. It’s a valid concern, but it’s also an opportunity to start building their relationship.
Including your older child in the care of the newborn can be a powerful way to instill affection and responsibility. Whether it’s helping with feeding or simply being present during diaper changes, these moments can bring them closer together.
It’s not about enforcing friendship but encouraging a bond to naturally form between them. And starting early can set the foundation for a lifetime of love and companionship.
But as always, maintain a balance. It’s vital to respect their individual spaces and allow them to grow at their own pace. After all, every good friendship is rooted in respect and understanding.
2) Foster mutual respect
In my own experience as a parent, one of the most crucial aspects of raising siblings who love each other is fostering mutual respect.
I remember when my two boys, Noah and Liam, were aged 7 and 4 respectively. Liam would often barge into Noah’s room without knocking, leading to several arguments and tears. I realized that while they loved each other, there was a lack of respect for personal space.
So, we implemented a simple rule: always knock before entering someone’s room. It took some time, but eventually, Liam started respecting Noah’s space and vice versa. This small act improved their relationship dramatically.
The important lesson here is that respect is as vital as love in maintaining a healthy sibling relationship. By teaching them to respect each other’s individuality and privacy, you’re setting the groundwork for a bond that will hopefully last a lifetime.
3) Encourage cooperative play
Did you know that cooperative play can significantly enhance the bond between siblings? Play that promotes teamwork requires children to communicate, negotiate and solve problems together. These are all key skills for developing a strong, positive relationship.
For example, building a Lego castle or baking cookies together encourages sharing of ideas and compromise. This fosters a sense of camaraderie and shared accomplishment, which can go a long way in strengthening their bond.
Make sure you give your children ample opportunities to play together in a cooperative setting. The family that plays together, stays together.
4) Model healthy relationships
As parents, we are our children’s first and most influential teachers. The way we interact with our partners, friends, and other family members sets the stage for how our kids perceive and handle relationships.
If we show kindness, respect, and love in our relationships, our children are likely to emulate these qualities in their interactions with their siblings.
On the flip side, if we are quick to anger, hold grudges, or fail to communicate effectively, our children may pick up on these negative patterns.
Being a role model for healthy relationships isn’t always easy. We all have moments where we stumble. But it’s important to keep in mind that every interaction is an opportunity for teaching. Apologizing when we’re wrong or talking through a disagreement can be powerful lessons for our little ones.
Strive to model the kind of sibling relationship you want your children to have. It’s one of the best ways to instill the values of love, respect, and friendship.
5) Celebrate their individuality
Just because your children share the same genes doesn’t mean they’re the same person. Each child is an individual with their own strengths, weaknesses, interests, and personality traits.
In my household, we have a little tradition. Every month, we have an “Individuality Day” for each of our children. On this day, they get to choose a family activity that reflects their interests and passions. Not only does this make them feel special and valued, but it also gives their siblings a chance to understand and appreciate their uniqueness.
This celebration of individuality helps prevent feelings of competition or comparison between siblings. Instead, it fosters mutual respect and admiration.
Take time to appreciate each of your children as individuals. Celebrating their unique qualities can bring them closer together as siblings.
6) Teach them the value of family
Family is our first line of support in life’s ups and downs. It’s a safe haven, a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Teaching your children the value of this bond can help them appreciate each other as siblings.
One of the ways to do this is by sharing your own family stories and traditions. Tell them about their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Share the fun, joy, and even challenges you’ve experienced together as a family.
These stories can help your children understand that families stick together, love each other, and support each other, no matter what. This instilling of family values can help create a strong sense of belonging and love among siblings.
7) Encourage communication and conflict resolution
Conflicts are an inevitable part of any relationship, including the one between siblings. But it’s how these conflicts are handled that can make all the difference.
I remember a time when my two sons had a heated argument over a shared toy. Rather than stepping in right away, I decided to let them sort it out. It was tough to stand by and watch, but I believed it was a crucial learning moment for them.
They fumed, they yelled, but eventually, they started talking. They each expressed their feelings and listened to each other. In the end, they found a solution they were both happy with.
This experience taught me the importance of letting children navigate their own conflicts (within reason, of course). Encouraging communication and conflict resolution can help them understand each other better and strengthen their bond.
Don’t rush to resolve every disagreement for them. Guide them, but also give them the space to grow and learn from their conflicts. It can be one of the most valuable lessons they’ll carry into their adult lives and relationships.
8) Allow healthy competition
While we often associate sibling rivalry with negativity, a certain level of competition can actually be beneficial.
Competition can fuel motivation, resilience, and personal growth. It can teach children to strive for their best and learn to handle both success and failure with grace.
The key is to ensure that competition doesn’t turn into jealousy or bitterness. This can be achieved by reinforcing the idea that everyone has unique talents and strengths. A sibling’s success doesn’t diminish the other’s worth or potential.
Whether it’s in academics, sports or any other area, allow your children the space to compete and learn from each other. Just remember to balance it with plenty of opportunities for cooperation and mutual support.
9) Create shared memories
There’s something magical about shared experiences. They have a way of weaving people together and creating a bond that lasts a lifetime.
Plan for family activities that your children can enjoy together. Encourage them to participate in planning and decision-making. This makes the experience more enjoyable and fosters a sense of teamwork.
Creating shared memories is an investment in your children’s relationship. It’s these memories that they’ll look back on fondly and that can help cement their bond as best friends.
Final thoughts: It’s all about love
Ultimately, the journey of raising siblings who love each other and become best friends is deeply intertwined with the element of love.
British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott once said, “There is no such thing as a baby, there is a baby and someone”. This highlights the importance of relationships in human development. Right from birth, our relationships mold us, and the bond between siblings is no exception.
Creating an environment of respect, understanding, and love can cultivate a strong bond between siblings. It’s not about enforcing friendship but fostering it. It’s about guiding them to navigate their differences and celebrate their similarities.
As parents, we can only provide the fertile soil for this bond to grow. The rest is up to them. But the seed you plant today can blossom into a lifelong friendship tomorrow.
So, as you reflect on this journey of raising siblings that become best friends, remember that at the core of it all is love. Love for them, from them, and between them.
