Being a parent can feel like a juggling act, right? One minute you’re the good guy, the next, the bad. And sometimes, we’re not even sure which is which!
One area that often trips us up is what we say to our kids. Yep, words matter.
In this article, we’re going to highlight 6 phrases that could knock your kid’s confidence.
Surprisingly, they’re phrases we use all the time without even realizing!
So, sit tight and let’s explore these everyday phrases that could be doing more harm than good.
Trust me, you’ll probably learn a thing or two!
1. “You’re too sensitive”
While this phrase may seem like a minor comment, it can actually send a harmful message to your child that their feelings are not valid or important. This can lead to them suppressing their emotions, which isn’t healthy.
Children need to know that it’s okay to express their feelings and that their emotions are valid. If your child is upset, instead of dismissing their feelings, acknowledge them and offer comfort. You could say, “I see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel this way. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”
By validating their feelings, you’re teaching them emotional intelligence and helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms. You’re also building a strong emotional bond with them, which is vital for their self-esteem and overall emotional health.
2. “I’m disappointed in you”
Expressing disappointment can be a heavy burden for a child to bear. While it’s natural to feel disappointed when your child makes a mistake, directing the disappointment towards them can make them feel like they’ve failed as a person.
Rather than focusing on the child, it’s more constructive to focus on the behavior or action that led to the disappointment. This approach separates the action from the individual, emphasizing that it’s the behavior, not the child, that’s undesirable.
For instance, instead of saying “I’m disappointed in you”, you could say, “I’m disappointed that you didn’t do your homework as we agreed.” This way, you’re expressing your disappointment about the action (not doing homework), not the child themselves.
By doing so, you’re showing your child that everyone makes mistakes and it’s our actions, not who we are as individuals, that can sometimes be disappointing. This can help instill in them that they have the capacity to change their behavior and make better choices in the future without hurting their self-esteem.
3. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparing your child to their siblings or peers is a common but harmful mistake. Such comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
When we compare our children, we’re essentially telling them that they aren’t good enough as they are. This can severely affect their self-esteem and may even strain their relationship with the person they’re being compared to.
Try acknowledging each child’s unique strengths and abilities. You could say, “I really appreciate how you always help me with the groceries. You’re very responsible,” or “I love how hard you work on your paintings. You’re really creative.” This way, you’re reinforcing their individual strengths and fostering a positive sense of self-worth.
Every child is unique and has their own set of talents and strengths. It’s important to recognize and celebrate these individual differences rather than comparing them to others. This promotes a positive self-image and helps build a strong foundation for their self-esteem.
4. “You always mess things up”
The phrase “You always mess things up” is one that can significantly undermine a child’s self-esteem. Using such absolute terms can make a child feel as though they are perpetually failing, which can discourage them from trying new things for fear of making mistakes.
Mistakes are a natural part of life and learning. Rather than criticizing your child for making a mistake, focus on what they can learn from it. You could say something like, “That didn’t work out as planned. What do you think you could do differently next time?” This encourages them to see mistakes as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than as personal failures.
It’s crucial to foster a growth mindset in your child, where they understand that abilities and intelligence can be developed. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also encourages them to embrace challenges and persist in the face of setbacks.
5. “I do everything for you”
Avoid using the phrase “I do everything for you” with your child. This phrase make them feel like a burden or as if they’re incapable of doing things on their own. It can discourage them from taking initiative or responsibility, which are important skills for their personal growth and self-esteem.
Focus on encouraging independence and responsibility in your child. Allow them to take on age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities. For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed you’re really good at organizing your toys. Would you like to be in charge of keeping your room tidy?”
Balancing guidance and support with allowing your child to learn and grow from their own experiences is essential. This balance is key in building their confidence and self-esteem.
6. “You’re just lazy”
This statement can be quite damaging to a child’s self-esteem as it conveys the message that you think they are inherently incapable or unwilling to do things. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where the child believes they are lazy and therefore acts in ways that confirm this belief.
Instead of labeling the child as “lazy”, it would be more helpful to address the specific behavior that is causing concern. If your child is not doing their homework, you could say, “I’ve noticed you’re having trouble getting started on your homework. What’s holding you back?” This approach opens up a dialogue and helps the child understand that it’s their behavior, not their character, that needs adjusting.
When we label children, we risk defining them by their actions. It’s vital to separate the action from the person and focus on encouraging positive behaviors rather than criticizing negative ones. Through this approach, we can help foster a growth mindset in our children, where they see themselves as capable of change and improvement.
Empowering Your Child Through Mindful Communication
As we’ve explored, the way we communicate with our children can profoundly impact their self-esteem. By being mindful of our words, we can create a positive and supportive environment that nurtures their self-worth.
However, it’s also crucial to remember that building self-esteem is not just about avoiding certain phrases. It’s about fostering open and empathetic communication, validating their feelings, appreciating their uniqueness, and encouraging a growth mindset.
Practicing these principles in your everyday interactions with your child can make a significant difference in their confidence and self-perception. The goal is not to be a perfect parent but to be a ‘good enough’ parent who is constantly learning and growing alongside their child.
As you continue this parenting journey, take each day as an opportunity to empower your child through your words and actions. Your unconditional love and acceptance are the most powerful tools in building your child’s self-esteem.
